The Sound of Integrating

Our Welcoming of the New Year

Walking today I felt a chill breeze. Not like the cold air accompanying snowfall, or the frozen winds across tundra, but rather a chill breeze. I could have bundled up more, yet the temperature wasn’t that low, and I’d just returned from a week in the much colder Maine. I feel back to the last few months, and I sense a sort of protective tunneling. A sort of willful burrowing for warmth led me closer to desire, the intimacy of personal practice, and the heat of my another’s heartbeat. I’ve sought privacy with my energy, cocooning and dropping deeper and deeper into my own transformation. That fire crafted metal, yet walking today I felt a chill breeze.

I keep seeking that edge of what can be held, within myself and between others. I’m looking for focus and safety without retreat, and my own uniqueness in the churn of time and place. The warmth of yesteryear seems closed off today, and I’m letting the chill breeze in. I want both that fire of self, and the chill of a wider world. I want the cold to slow my senses, so I can glean the bright line of integrity in community, yet still I want to create my own heat.

I want, and I want to want, with a living desire, and no fixation. I want that connection to purpose beyond fear, beyond the crush of hate around so many corners. I do not want to be the coroner of a world that was, I want that fierce caring that liberates ferociously.

And yet it is already here, near in a chill breeze I felt walking today. It is in my body, this change. It is in our bodies, and we are held and helped in this cold time, not by man or machine, but by ourselves and our natures. Great natures weave with contrasting colors, a sharp relief to paint a picture, something standing out from the void, yet yearning to return to it. This chill breeze is stirring the wisdom of the trees, and their wide wandering roots, teaching us to trust each other’s nature – a great nature.